In my head and in my heart

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I was talking to another widower today.  I mentioned to him that I was spending my day cleaning out some of Jill’s stuff.  He immediately related to that, and shared the mixed emotions that come at a time like that.

You know you have to move on.  You don’t want to disrespect or dishonor your loved one.  You are torn between keeping things  which are only elevated from being “stuff” by some thin thread of a connection to your wife, or truly saving a few things that have lasting value. 

I chose to discard a lot of clothing.  Jill had talked for years of discarding clothes as soon as she found a better wardrobe.  Well, she’s got one, and I don’t need to keep the one that is here!  Alright, I did keep a sweater her mother knit, and a t-shirt with the cardiovascular system on it.  Both reminders of relationship and life as she lived it!

Then there was the 2012 Valentine’s card that told of how she had looked for a man to marry who would enrich her life, share her faith and cherish her love.  And then she wrote, “thru all the years, you are still the one.  Love, Jill.”  That I kept!

I may remarry.  Jill and I talked about that.  She would have expected that to happen.   I’m not expecting to forget the almost 40 years with Jill.  In fact, as one lady pointed out to me today, that love for my wife will be a sign to someone that I can be trusted with love!  I was humbled to think that others looked at my marriage that way.

So, to Jill – you filled my life with more than I expected and more than I deserved!

Spice racks and all

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Making soup reminded me!

I don’t have the slightest idea where the spices are in this house.  Oh, I can find the salt and pepper and probably the cinnamon (great for toast!).    But where are the bay leaves, and the basil, the thyme, the poultry seasoning?

I did muddle my way through making the soup (not sure all the ingredients ended up in the soup!).  And the soup actually tastes good, and hasn’t made me sick yet.

I thought I should be a little more prepared for the next soup making session.  So this afternoon I went through all the spices and ingredients shelves.  Seven in all, plus the short shelf over the stove.

The kitchen is well stocked with ingredients – even some “ethnic” spices.  All the sugars are together, all the salts, the most often used spices placed easy at hand (of course, I’ve yet to figure out what spices are most used!).

The next time I need Cardamom , I’ll know where it is.  I can find the vanilla extract.  I have the nuts all together (but maybe this “nut” is a little out to lunch!).

And all this makes me excited to learn to cook!   Keep tuned – see what food hits my fancy next!

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention

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So, in the midst of my excitement of being able to host meals and bring people together . . .

Yesterday I came home to make some chicken noodle soup.  I pulled some broth from the freezer and set it on the stove to warm up. 

Then I realized I was tired.  Just a quick nap! 

Which was quickly awakened – after almost an hour’s time.  I thought I could smell the beautiful broth of soup.  I followed the scent, except the scent changed the closer I got to the kitchen.  Soon a bit of a cloud came into view and I looked in the pot!  Black! 

I extracted the pot from the stove and placed it outside.  Opened the windows.  Looked around for a good deodorizer.

And decided the best thing to do was make another pot of soup.  Change the flavor of the air by putting into the atmosphere exactly what had been planned originally.  So I did!! 

For a first try at making soup (OK, a second try – the first one was a little black!), I think it turned out alright.  My plan is to try out the soup for lunch today.  If I’m sick tomorrow, you’ll know why!

Two done and hopefully many to go!

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Tonight I hosted my second meal!  The fixings were not that hard (or elaborate), and my downstairs boarder brought up the salad.  The food actually was rather good and we ended with ice cream and fresh picked raspberries.

And then – we decided to host another meal for young adults – next Thursday.  Ashley and I picked out around eight names that could surround the table.   We decided to work on a potluck basis (I’ll provide the meat, another person is providing the dessert, etc. . . ). 

At first, I wasn’t sure if I leaned on my wife’s ability to cook and present a meal well.  I think, in the end, that I really do like the idea of being a host and being hospitable. 

I do have much I have learned by osmosis!  The table setting, the preparation, the ability to have food ready when the guests arrive.  Those I’ve seen and appreciate, and I will try to emulate from Jill.

But now, I get to put into practice the soul of both of our hearts – to provide a meal as a way to open up conversation and to help others to enjoy this life!  A reprieve from the world of hurry around a table of plenty (of both food and friends) is not a bad thing!