I hit my 59 birthday on Friday.  In past years, I have found that the birthdays just prior to decadal numbers (20, 30, 40, 50) have signaled changes in my life.

This year has been no different.  In fact, probably this year will have some of the greatest impact!

With Jill’s death I have had to reflect on my own life.  I’m finding protocols and approaches to others have changed.  While married life carries certain restrictions, because of love and respect for each other, singleness also carries certain restrictions.

Matchmakers consider you a new prospect.  Service groups see a person who should have greater time.  Family and friends stop you in public spaces and want to hug and console you. 

None of these are bad.  In fact, they are signs of love and concern.  At the same time, you are still figuring out how you approach members of the opposite sex, how you decide on what religious and civil duties to take on, and how you divide your time between friends and family and the broader community. 

In this case, for the good  of myself and others, I am finding that I must restrict myself.  There is much good, but what is the best.  And in doing so, while encouraging some, I disappoint others.

Oh, the joys of being a widower!