The days of mourning are never done.  Nor should they be.  Days of hopelessness, on the other hand, are devastating.

Soon after my wife, Jill’s, death, I determined to follow the injunction of Christian Scriptures – “we do not mourn as those who have no hope.”  I listened to a song by Michael W. Smith called “Welcome Home” and imbibed of the truth that Jill has a much better place where she now lives, and moves and has her being.  I thank God for that.

My tears are far fewer these days.  I do not fear the coming days.  I am excited to have a new relationship, which while different, has the sense of God written in bold letters over our togetherness.

But, yesterday I had tearless, fearless, wordless grief.  I was tired (and perhaps that was a catalyst).  More than that, I was returning to tasks that reflected the busyness of days spent with Jill.  Those were days where she provided a pillar of strength. 

I miss that. 

I did not cry – although my soul wept.  I did not fear the day – although my emotions were roiling within me.   I cannot explain what happened – this blog is a very feeble attempt.  All I know is that Jill was not there and I missed her.  And God was there and I was sustained.

Tearless, fearless, wordless grief directs me to God – where I know that I have complete and utter safety, security and satisfaction!  Thank you, Jesus!