The days of mourning are never done. Nor should they be. Days of hopelessness, on the other hand, are devastating.
Soon after my wife, Jill’s, death, I determined to follow the injunction of Christian Scriptures – “we do not mourn as those who have no hope.” I listened to a song by Michael W. Smith called “Welcome Home” and imbibed of the truth that Jill has a much better place where she now lives, and moves and has her being. I thank God for that.
My tears are far fewer these days. I do not fear the coming days. I am excited to have a new relationship, which while different, has the sense of God written in bold letters over our togetherness.
But, yesterday I had tearless, fearless, wordless grief. I was tired (and perhaps that was a catalyst). More than that, I was returning to tasks that reflected the busyness of days spent with Jill. Those were days where she provided a pillar of strength.
I miss that.
I did not cry – although my soul wept. I did not fear the day – although my emotions were roiling within me. I cannot explain what happened – this blog is a very feeble attempt. All I know is that Jill was not there and I missed her. And God was there and I was sustained.
Tearless, fearless, wordless grief directs me to God – where I know that I have complete and utter safety, security and satisfaction! Thank you, Jesus!