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For more than 35 years I was privileged to have a guiding light in my life.

My first wife was born on July 1st – the Canada Day baby (or Dominion Day as it used to be called)! 

She quickly became a light of hope for those around her – she fought a congenital heart problem for her whole life.  In 2012, With almost 59 years of life and light experience, she moved to a new existence upon death into eternal life.

Jill’s light was evident amongst her friends, her acquaintances and those who heard of her.  Perseverance accompanied a lady whose surgeries and limitations were obvious.  The week before she died, she hosted a meal with a crowd of seniors.  She talked faster than anyone around her – and made perfect sense to those who listened.  In spite of physical limitations she helped raise two children into independent adulthood, depending on their mother for love and support.

Music lit up the room when Jill was there.  She played piano, sang and composed.  Her heart was in her music.

And her heart was for Jesus.  Where her true light originated.

Though no longer here, the rays of her light are still bouncing around amongst us.

When imposed becomes tiresome, we tend towards rebellion.

I think it is just a way to react when our expectations of a quick resolve to a problem are dashed.  The conundrum of COVID has been the quickly changing goal posts.  When our vision for the future is no more than a day at a time, most of us have not been trained in the etiquette of daily reorientation.

Our go-to is to look around the limitations and find the loop hole.  What has been called living by the “letter” of the law and not the “spirit” of the law.  OR . . . we just decide the law is wrong and we disregard the limitations and the consequences.  We want to get to our goals and no external force is going to stop us!

Except it did.  At least for the majority of us in small churches.  For all the marvelous plans we have or had, we are now in a new state of planning.  Whereas we used to figure on a stable environment, now we figure on instability to be the new norm.  Our plans are always contingent.  We used to plan with surety. 

Exiting COVID restrictions does not mean exiting a planning environment.  We will still plan.

The question is – what approach to the future will we pivot on – contingency or surety?

This last week has hit me hard.

I’ve travelled a bit, talked to young and old, and come to a hypothesis.

“A sustained period of disconnection with people and enforcement of restrictions makes for a sadness of soul.”

There has always been a resiliency within the ranks of vocational and voluntary church leaders.  The bounce back effect has kept optimism within the church body as a whole.  But . . . to be the policeman and the distant executive has made pastors and church leadership a targeted group in this climate of despair. 

The question at this time?  Is there enough left in the tank to water the soul of the leaders?

My discussions, talks and correspondence suggest there will need to be a shower, and perhaps a rain storm, to restore some souls.

Nine years ago today my first wife, Jill, passed away.  Today I was with a friend who asked me about her passing.  This was her birthday, and she remembered Jill well.  Especially that she passed away on her birthday. 

There is a sense in which time heals. 

I have been stretched for the good!  I make my own meals and do my own laundry – things that Jill graciously and happily did for me.  I have carried forth dreams of ministry that we shared together. 

That does not mean that I do not miss her.  I do. 

With fondness I hear someone playing a piano with skill and emotion – and I am transported back.  I enjoy a home crafted meal (that I didn’t make) – and I remember health and wellness that came from a cook’s ability. 

I am thankful today!  Blessings come our way.  In packages we love to unwrap and in the releasing of gifts we have been given for but a short time.