Monthly Archives: June 2012

I was cleaning out and inventorying a food pantry today.

Tucked to the side were two orange juice boxes.  Both were dated best before 2009.  I imagine they had been there since that time.

In 2008 I had knee surgery.  Coming out of that I have been afflicted with GERD (which may have been catalyzed by the ibuprofen I took).  Various foods have been off limit since then, one of them being oranges.

My wife loved oranges.  But for my sake she did not buy a lot of them (maybe a few for herself, but not like we used to).  The juice boxes appear to have been tucked away in the era when we were experimenting with what foods I could have.

I’m thankful for restrictions that we place upon ourselves in order to live in harmony together.

Sometimes our desires are not necessary.  What we need is love for each other and then just suck it up!!

So, four of us guys sat around the table Thursday night.  We had determined to potluck.

The room was not decorated.  Nor was the food put out in fantastic array.  The house was even a bit in disarray (at least according to my standards!).

As the microwave finished the warm up of food, we headed to the banquet.  Cal had prepared a salad and a cake.  John brought a salad as well.  I warmed up chili and put out some buns.  Al was the visitor for the night – he just showed up.

We talked.  Then cleared the table. 

Talked some more.  Then put out some cake (without ice cream – since we were too busy to go down and get some). 

Then talked some more.  Then the guests went home.

Not bad for a bunch of guys.

And the food was even good!!

I find music touches me where nothing else can. 

This morning I was in my car, listening to a song that talked about, “when it feels like you can’t go on, you deliver me.”

I am going on, and enjoying life.

But, every once in awhile, the heart touches the head with a bump!  You are not always sure where the overpowering emotion bubbles up from.  You feel surrounded and you know that this has something to do with your loss and your grieving process. 

And so, you cry.  Not on a rational level.  Not for any good reason.  You just cry.

Then Jesus just “de-live-rs” (gives you what you need to live).  He gives you a liveliness that is unexpected but so appreciated. 

You go on, not in your own strength, but in that of Jesus.

What a great way to live!

Another card arrived today.  This one from an aunt and uncle.

I have appreciated the great outpouring of around 500 people attending memorial services to date, and almost 200 cards.  Jill was well liked and known in the community and amongst friends she had known over her 58 years.

These are a good reminder to me of the heritage I have received.

In some ways, as I have mourned, I have been a bystander.  I serve as executor of the estate, I’m the arranger of services and I try to step back so that others can mourn the loss of Jill.

At first I told stories.  Many to illustrate how Jill had affected our children, our friends and our church.  I suppose the fact that I use “our” meant that my original thoughts were to comfort those around me. 

But, as one astute observer mentioned – “Don’t think we are callous when we move on to the next thing.  We loved Jill, but other things will arise.”  Even in writing these thoughts I realize that I must not just fixate on Jill’s death – other things will and are arising in my life as well.

Not that I didn’t spend, and don’t continue to spend, “cry time.”  Two knit into one means that from my deepest being I cry out.  Some days I’m not sure why.  I just cry.  Other days aspects of Jill’s effect on my life are clear to me.

I do remember.  And I will remember .  And as life goes on, most of all I remember God is in control.