Another card arrived today. This one from an aunt and uncle.
I have appreciated the great outpouring of around 500 people attending memorial services to date, and almost 200 cards. Jill was well liked and known in the community and amongst friends she had known over her 58 years.
These are a good reminder to me of the heritage I have received.
In some ways, as I have mourned, I have been a bystander. I serve as executor of the estate, I’m the arranger of services and I try to step back so that others can mourn the loss of Jill.
At first I told stories. Many to illustrate how Jill had affected our children, our friends and our church. I suppose the fact that I use “our” meant that my original thoughts were to comfort those around me.
But, as one astute observer mentioned – “Don’t think we are callous when we move on to the next thing. We loved Jill, but other things will arise.” Even in writing these thoughts I realize that I must not just fixate on Jill’s death – other things will and are arising in my life as well.
Not that I didn’t spend, and don’t continue to spend, “cry time.” Two knit into one means that from my deepest being I cry out. Some days I’m not sure why. I just cry. Other days aspects of Jill’s effect on my life are clear to me.
I do remember. And I will remember . And as life goes on, most of all I remember God is in control.
That is such a comforting statement, Ron. I thank you for sharing it and am trying to remember that God is in control at all times. I know that it is difficult some times to accept this truth and I try to control my life myself. I pray that as you continue to grieve, the pain will ease and life will regain a certain amount of normalcy. Jill has given us all a great statement to live by. Thanks again.