Monthly Archives: January 2013

I suppose courting can come in all sorts of forms.  As I mentioned previously, one of the first areas I considered was character.  If there is no depth, there is nothing to be mined as you spend a future together. 

My first inquiry regarding character always relates to the core.

I don’t believe that two people are just two pieces of physical, flesh and blood, things.  Human beings are more than just animal carcasses.

Humans are more than just triggered electrical signals that result in action and reaction – and perhaps emotion and motion.  There is a center to a person that I call the spirit of that person.

I want to relate to that other person’s spirit.  In the deepest friendship of marriage, there is a need to push beyond physical action and related emotions.  The spirit needs to be a part of the equation.

Our spirits are only at their best when they are connected with their creator.  Unless two people join in connection with God, they live in a “less than” equation.   There will be less than a united delight in their union.

Therefore in courting, my first point in a character reference is to look for someone who has a first love found in Jesus.  How exciting when you come across that type of innocent intention – that type of desire that finds truth and beauty and happiness in God – and then spreads that love out from their core.

I love it!!

I suppose as you get older, you begin to realize that other people know people who know the people you want to know.  As a director of admissions in a post secondary school, one of my most important sources of information on students was their references.  With the reference in hand, I could gain a fair insight into whether this person would be a good student and gain from their experience at the school.

I was first introduced to the thought of courting Cynthia by her sister, Connie.  Her husband has been a very good friend of mine for almost 20 years.  I had sung at Connie’s father’s funeral.  I had even been to Christmas meals with the extended family.

So, when this courting thing with Cynthia continued to go forward, I was able to chat with Connie, one of her sisters and her mother.  Their review on Cynthia was positive, while recognizing the agonies she had experienced in the last eight years.  Another friend (who had known Cynthia for over 30 years) also gave her thoughts.

Of course, I had my own “reference” going back 30 years.  I had coached a trio that Cynthia sang in.  At 19, she was young, forthright and a hard worker.  I have to add to that the whole beauty of her voice was attractive.  Although she may have felt differently about me, I found her on the “good” side of my personal assessment scale.

As I am in the over 50 age bracket, before I got heavily into this courting thing with Cynthia, I did some checking.  Back when I was a teen, the checking might have been based more on looks.  This time around it was based more on character (although she has beauty about her!).  She had also been warned by her sister that I was eligible – and had her own preparation that needed to be done.

To be continued . . .

Yesterday I had one of those conversations.  Doesn’t happen often.  In fact, sure not to happen often.  Prompted by the internet age.  Yet related to old age.

A lady phoned me who had relatives that once lived in Kindersley.  Their last name was Baker.  She figured maybe I was a relation.  She had tracked me done through the internet.  As I researched a bit last night, I found I probably was – back about 3 – 4 generations ago.

In the midst of our genealogical discussion she mentioned a relative (an uncle, I believe) that had been widowed in the last few years.  Apparently around my age.

She was going to forward to this uncle the URL for my blog (which merely means she would tell him to check out my blog).  She had seen my rather personal comments on the death of my wife, Jill.  They had given some sense of forward movement that she felt her uncle needed.

As I thought on this, I began to think that perhaps what I have experienced could help others.  This has been in the back of my mind,  but a little too far back to touch.  Yes, I blogged, upon my wife’s death, to work through difficult times.  But now I’m wondering . . .

I have purposely not talked much about the next step in my process of widowhood.  Maybe because I didn’t realize that our society seems to have a disconnect with alder courting.  We have sessions on grief counseling, on financial management, on retirement – but I’m not so sure we have come to a sense of alder courting.  We do well helping young people form relationships and date.  But the literature for “old” people is not quite as abundant.  With a proliferation of divorce and the inevitable death of spouses, those over 50 who are dealing with alder courting is rising.

“Alder” is merely another way of saying “Elder” or “Older”.  We have Aldermen (or persons!) in government.  So, I start by calling this “alder”.

“Courting” is another way of dealing with the process leading to marriage.  I have blogged previously on this.  I laugh when I mention the term – seniors get the idea – younger people don’t even know what I’m referring to or they just call it “so high school!”

What has it looked like for me to go “alder courting?”  Might be interesting reading!!

One of our church furnaces has been sounding – too much “sounding.”  The noise became quite obvious these last few days – even with the furnace room door closed.

Apparently the furnace fan motor finally burned out.  The repairman found that!  Along with a shaft on the fan that appears to be a bit off center.

As he explained – the motor goes at quite a speed in order to power the fan.  When the fan goes even slightly off, or the cage for the fan is not quite fastened tightly – the fan can start to shake.  After a bit of shaking, it rattles and then it rolls (vestiges of a song here!!).  Soon the motor is fighting the fan. 

The fight ended today with the motor burning out.  Now we will get a new fan and fan cage.  And a motor.  And all should be well.

At least, well enough that I won’t be listening for that horrible screeching that I heard so loudly the last while!!